REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES, LEAVE THE CHILDREN OUT OF IT

This post is personal. . totally personal.

CHILDREN, not the parents, are the true VICTIMS of divorce. The changes that occur, which they have absolutely no control over, will be life altering for them.

When parents divorce, the children are thrust into two very different worlds. They worry if they played a role in the decision to divorce. They also yearn for their parents to reconcile.

If a parent truly cares about their child, the last thing he/she will do is ask the child to take sides. Parental alienation syndrome is alive and well. If only the alienating parent could think of the child, instead of him/herself.

When I discuss issues with a client who is contemplating or in the midst of divorce, I always stress the importance of counseling. Counseling is important for many reasons, the most lasting is what you will learn from it.

Your counselor will expose you to many issues that brought about the disolution of your marriage. These issues will include the fundamentals of interpersonal relationships, establishing boundaries within your relationships, listening to your partner when they communicate needs, and most importantly, keep the children out of it.

A loving parent will recognize that children need both of their parents. A loving parent will recognize and accept that expecting a child to pick a side is detrimental to their well being. A loving parent will encourage their child to maintain a relationship with the ex-spouse, not prohibit it.

When experiencing a divorce, the children should be protected from becoming "collateral" damage. The divorce has nothing to do with them. By keeping them out of things, you protect them from the fallout, which is "as it should be."

The Truth about Adultery

I get calls from potential clients who want me to, "prove adultery so he/she gets nothing." "Nothing" could be further from the truth.

Proving adultery DOES provide for a quicker divorce. In Maryland, divorce on grounds of adultery may be granted in 90 days. Under other grounds, the waiting period is at least 1 year.

Proving adultery DOESN'T guarantee you "the gold mine," and your cheating spouse, "the shaft." Proving adultery WON'T guarantee you get custody of the children and WON'T eliminate your responsibility to pay child support. Proving adultery WON'T disqualify your spouse from receiving alimony.

That said, there are circumstances where proving adultery may be beneficial. Divorce is about SETTLEMENT. Very few divorces are decided by the Court. Knowledge and information is beneficial to your ability to negotiate a SETTLEMENT. In certain instances, proving adultery may motivate your spouse to SETTLE rather than continue to litigate.

If you believe your spouse is unfaithful or you are contemplating a divorce for other reasons, BEFORE contacting a private investigator, speak with an attorney.

The attorney will discuss the various grounds, of which adultery may very well apply. During this meeting the attorney will help you determine if the expense to prove adultery, "at the end of the day," is worthwhile.

On the other hand, if you just, "gots to know," by all means, contact a reputable private investigator.

Most people enter a divorce with no prior experience. You will rely on your attorney and private investigator to advocate tenaciously and investigate thoroughly. In the long run, it will be money well-spent so long as the EXPECTATIONS established are REASONABLE and ACHIEVABLE.